http://www.sjgames.com/ill/archives.html?m=December&y=2009&d=4

http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/ap091203.html

NGC 660 lies near the center of

Gleek has been wrestling with many complicated emotions. Her inner turmoil leads her to run fast, play hard, and be a bit demanding of her playmates. This frequently leads to conflict with those playmates, which creates more inner turmoil. There are brief windows of time when she is ready to talk about her feelings and sort through them. Usually these times happen inconveniently, when we’re headed out the door to school, or when it is already past bedtime and I’m trying to get her to lay down, or when three other kids are all needing things from me at the same time. I try to listen as best I can while still addressing the other tasks at hand. Her inner turmoil is comprised of loneliness, a feeling that something is missing, sadness, and a desire to be more connected with people. The times she is picking to try to discuss them with me are conducive to adding to the feelings rather than resolving them.

This evening she sat me down and very sadly told me that she doesn’t feel like Kiki loves her and that she feels like our family is breaking apart, like we’re not a real family. My first internal reaction was a tired frustration. I spend an awful lot of time trying to build family togetherness and relationships. Here was my child telling me that my efforts had been fruitless for her. A split-second later the frustration was followed by the knowledge that I just need to listen to Gleek. She feels what she feels. She feels it regardless of the things I have done which I think should make her feel differently. So I listened. I asked questions. I tried to get the full picture of what she felt was wrong. As I did, I also tried to think how I should handle this.

The “how should I handle this” question is one that I’ve been asking a lot. I’ve been presented with so many “thises” to handle of late. Just in the past 24 hours I’ve had 2 major (multi-hour) and at least 10 minor (30 min or less) behavioral problems to address. Right now peaceful play is rare. When the kids are at home, I am constantly helping, negotiating, and disciplining. I know this time is temporary. The kids are just simultaneously in developmental stages when they are challenging everything around them. The stages will pass. Things will settle down. But I can’t help feeling like the challenging developmental stages are like watershed moments in a child’s life. It sets the course for what comes next. So I put pressure on myself to get it right, to make sure that the necessary lessons are learned; the lessons which will serve the kids well in the future.

Gleek’s tale of woe wound to a close. I didn’t have a solution for her, so I simply asked what she thought she should do about it. I’ll admit that the question was stalling for time. But the moment it was out of my mouth, I realized that it was the answer. I elaborated for Gleek, explaining that we have no power to change other people, we can only change ourselves. If Gleek wants her relationships to be different, then she needs to do something different. I don’t think she liked the answer at first, but she listed a couple of changes she could make. Then we got talking about Kiki. Gleek suddenly came alight. She realized that she could do Secret Santa things for Kiki. She could make little crafts and leave them as surprises. Gleek jumped up and began with a paper snowflake. Then I was finally able to maneuver her into bed.

The more I think about this solution, the more I feel like it is the right one. I could run myself completely ragged trying to create events so that Gleek would feel like our family was strong. I could nudge and coerce all the other kids into doing nice things for her. The result would be a still-lonely Gleek and a newly-resentful set of other kids. We already do plenty of things as a family. Our family is strong, if a bit chaotic at the moment. The change needs to be inside Gleek so that she can see it. The best way I can think of for Gleek to feel loved is to teach her to show her love by serving others. When she is focused on helping others feel happy, she will find that she is happy.

This is going to mean more work for me, but I’d rather spend the time helping Gleek do service, than spend the same amount of time breaking up squabbles. I hope it works.

Mirrored from onecobble.com.

LiveJournal: The First Decade

Just in time for holiday shopping, we're thrilled to announce the release of our ten-year anniversary anthology. Published by Blurb.com, the book showcases a decade of extraordinary talent drawn from LiveJournal users around the world. This must-read compilation features stories, memes, photos, comics, editorials, graphic content, and more, including:

1. Excerpts from Oh No They Didn't (a/k/a ohnotheydidnt), the largest community on LiveJournal, covering celebrity gossip, entertainment news, and pop culture
2. A look at post-Katrina New Orleans from the journal of Poppy Z. Brite
3. Gripping narratives, including a poignant reverie on a blind date
4. Photography that spans the globe, ranging from old-fashioned Polaroids to underwater photography
5. Mouthwatering dishes from food_porn

What began as a late-night inspiration back in Brad Fitzpatrick's college dorm in 1999 has grown to encompass nearly 25 million users worldwide, with journals and communities covering every conceivable hobby, passion, and topic. To get your copy, please visit the Blurb Bookstore. For updates and entries from book contributors, please join lj_turns10.

Tweaks and enhancements

• You can now ban a user from all of your communities and journals at once. To access this feature, hover over the person's userpic and choose Ban user everywhere from the drop-down menu.
• Follow LiveJournal on Twitter!

Give a little to help a lot!

In honor of National AIDS Awareness month, we've added a new charitable vgift. For each red ribbon you purchase for $2.99, we'll donate 100 percent of gross proceeds to IAVI.org (the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative) to support the development and global distribution of an affordable HIV vaccine (we'll cover credit card fees). You can read more about IAVI at lj_cares. While we're on the subject, we raised $740 from our November fundraiser for Love Without Boundaries, which supports emergency healthcare and adoption of Chinese orphans. We thank you for helping us help others.

Photos of the week

We're back with more incredible pictures from our super-talented LiveJournal photographers. Congratulations to ilya_gorokhov, who is the winner of our very first lj_photophile poll.

Curtains

Thanks, again, for joining us. Stay safe and snug out there!

http://oreilly.com/catalog/9781615420032/

With clear directions and a humorous touch, expert Michael Cohen walks you through exactly how to sync managed data from a Mac running Mac OS X 10.6 Snow Leopard with a variety of devices and services. Whether you want to sync phone numbers between your Mac and your mobile phone, share calendars and keychains between Macs, or move only new podcast episodes to an iPod, you'll find useful advice and directions. ("Managed data" is data that you can't usually see as separate files in the Finder-iCal events, Address Book contacts, Safari bookmarks, anything you store in iTunes or iPhoto, and so forth.)

You'll also learn how syncing works under the hood and get troubleshooting advice in case your sync engine throws a rod.

Fortress

http://www.tbray.org/ongoing/When/200x/2009/12/03/Fortress

Originally published at Deadly Fredly. You can comment here or there.

This isn’t a full-blooded real blog post. It’s a plug.  Because Diaspora is back, and with a discount available until the end of the year.

I’ll just quote the publisher:

Not strictly blogworthy, but it links to prior posts a little. Anyway, you can again get Diaspora at Lulu now. Problem resolved and Lulu has assuaged our rage with a coupon for 10% off good until the end of December: DIASPORA.

You can get Diaspora through our web page (which links to the Lulu product) or straight from Lulu. Thanks to everyone who helped and everyone who waited patiently. Special thanks to Fred Hicks for his connections.

The Armitage Files is my upcoming improvised Trail Of Cthulhu campaign from Pelgrane Press. It’s now in layout, which means that the images have started rolling in.

Here’s the cover, awesome as always from the always-awesome Jerome Huguenin:



I’m guessing that the gloved figure striking the stalwart pose is Dr. Francis Morgan.

The book centers around the idea that the player handout is the defining currency of a Cthulhu game. Here, the players are given a series of handouts full of mixed-up clues to various mysteries. They then decide which of them to follow up on, prompting the Keeper to plot in reaction to their choices. (It does with the player handout what the Kaiin book for the Dying Earth Roleplaying Game did with the city guide format — making it a resource allowing players to choose from among a roster of competing story hooks.)

The fictional premise is that strange documents begin showing up at the Miskatonic Library, all in the handwriting of senior investigator Dr. Henry Armitage. However, he has no memory of having written them. Can they be from... the future?

Illustrator Sarah Wroot, who did so much fine work for DERPG and a classic hand-drawn symbol set for Campaign Cartographer, has been lured back to create the actual handouts. Here’s a sample:



The book will not be in full color, but the PDFs will, and they’ll be available to purchasers of the printed volume.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/LifeHack/~3/h5nQbp0U5q0/procrastination-not-a-problem.html

http://www.lifehack.org/?p=10069

“I’m feeling guilty because I procrastinate too much”

A quick search on Twitter confirmed my hunch.  There are a lot of  people talking about procrastination, and the tweets I surveyed  are filled with feelings of guilt, regret and remorse.

The word “procrastinate” is a heavy one, and I believe that people are  trying to solve the problem the wrong way, leaving them with baggage that just won’t seem to go away no matter what they do.

Procrastination: Not a Problem!

Perhaps procrastination simply isn’t the problem we think it is.

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word as follows:

procrastinate: To put off from day to day; to delay; to defer to a future time

Anyone who is skillful at managing their time will tell you that the  act of “putting off from day to day,” “delaying” and “deferring to  a future time” are required skills in today’s information age.

With technology has come an increased number of demands on our time,  and a variety of ways in which we allow ourselves to be  interrupted, reminded or prompted to make new commitments.  The only smart tactic to take is to put things off until later.

Take the simple example of checking your email Inbox.

In fifteen minutes it’s possible to scan 100 new items, while making  30 instant decisions to take further action.  It’s impossible to act on  all 30 items immediately.  Instead, it’s a much better idea to focus on a  single item at a time, rather than trying to split one’s attention between multiple tasks.

In other words, it’s better to “put it off from today,” “delay”  or “defer to a future time” than to try to do multiple actions  at the same time, in the very next moment.

Why is procrastination deemed to be such a problem if, by its definition, the action is such a benign and even useful one?  I suspect that  when we call a problem by its incorrect name, we prevent ourselves from seeing clear, common-sense solutions.  The word “procrastination” is being used to label the wrong problem.

The Real Problem

To understand the real problem, let’s look at some cases in which  actual failures occurred, and why they had nothing to do with  procrastination.

Failure #1 – A Missed Due Date: Sam’s homework was due on Monday morning, and she waited until  late on Sunday evening to get started.  After she started she found  out that the assignment required  at least 20 hours of work, which she could not complete in time.   The assignment was handed in late, and her tardiness cost her a  full letter grade according to the rules stated in the syllabus.

Analysis: Most might call Sam a procrastinator, but I only see that she has a weakness in scheduling her time.  The failure started by  not properly estimating the size of the task, and continued when  she didn’t use her calendar to determine the best time to start the assignment.

In this case what we call procrastination is actually a problem  with the discipline that time management experts would call “personal scheduling.”

Failure #2 – Several Delays: Mike has made an internal decision to cut the lawn on Saturday,  an activity that he despises.  On the appointed day, other events intervene, and he decides to cut the lawn on Sunday instead.

Sunday rolls around and once again he decides to postpone his date  with the lawnmower until Wednesday.

On Wednesday he decides that next Friday would be better, and  he once again foregoes the much needed chore.

On Friday he finally cuts the entire lawn in one effort.

Analysis: Was Mike procrastinating?  Many would say yes, and  they might strongly imply that he was just being lazy.

If I add in the fact that it rained on Friday, Monday and Tuesday  nights rendering the ground soft and unsafe for a cut, would it be  said that he was still being lazy, and procrastinating?

If I add in the fact that his neighbour cut his lawn under similar  conditions would you change your mind?  And if I add in the fact  that the neighbour is known to be a drunkard who sometimes does  crazy things help you to change your  mind again?

The problem with the way we use procrastination is that it has come to mean much more than the dictionary definition, and now brings with it  an accusing tone filled with blame.

If we were to use the dictionary definition of the word we’d conclude that he was simply re-scheduling.  The fact is that he deferred  the activity, and according to the dictionary, he was procrastinating.  According to our common-day usage of the word, it all depends on  whether or not he was to blame for the delay.

The charge of being a “procrastinator” that we lay against  ourselves and others has a become a way to cast blame.

Solutions

The negative judgements and feelings related to procrastinating  don’t come from the delays, the  putting off or the postponements.  Instead they come from our  judgemental minds which  have decided that something or someone is to blame.  A close look at the examples above reveal that  it’s actually the negative thoughts that are producing the guilty  feelings and the blame, and NOT the actual rescheduling.

What can we do about these negative thoughts?  What can we do if we  continue to blame ourselves and others for procrastinating?

There are a variety of approaches that we can use, but  this is  my personal favorite.  Byron Katie’s methods of dealing with  stressful thoughts is the method that I have used for the past 4 years. (Her entire approach can be found at her website.)

Her thesis is simple, and is a good match for the problem of blame.

Stress is never caused by life circumstances, but instead it  originates in the thoughts that we have, and whether or not we  believe them.

In the example above, Sam’s assignment was late (a fact,) but her thought that “I’m a procrastinator” would only cause stress if she believed it.

On Katie’s site, there is a powerful and simple process. It involves dealing with stressful thoughts by  first writing them down and then  applying 4 questions and what  she calls a turnaround statement (an opposing thought.)

The result of using her process on stressful, judgmental thoughts about procrastination is a sense of relief in which statements  like “I should stop procrastinating” might still recur, but  without the stress that usually comes.

While this kind of habit might not seem to be related to time  management, there are so many who struggle with thoughts of  procrastination that if they could get past their own thinking, it  would help bring peace of mind — which is the goal of every time management system.

So, if you think you have an issue with procrastination, start by  separating your actions from your thoughts. Deal with your skill at scheduling if you need to. According to the dictionary, you are  probably doing the right thing by procrastinating.

If you find that you have blaming thoughts that keep returning, and that  they are causing stress, use Katie’s method to free yourself to be as productive as you can be without this  harmful habit.

I own a management consulting firm in Florida, and I recently moved to live in Jamaica. Shortly after arriving, I began to study time management techniques when I found that my old system didn't work. I eventually coined the term "Time Management 2.0" for people who create their own, custom approaches.Find out more about Time Management 2.0.I am also the author of the e-book "The 6 Surprising Mistakes that GTDers Make."

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